I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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