You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
