I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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