Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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