for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
