You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
