I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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