took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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