I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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