on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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