My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
