But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
