i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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