Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
