Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
