Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
