dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
