ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
