Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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