I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
