After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
