my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
