Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
