Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
