life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
