the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
