im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How naked do you want me to be?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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