do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
