If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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