She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
