You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just blew my weed a kiss
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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