we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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