Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You need a sexual gate keeper
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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