My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
