I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
