I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
