Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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