Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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