he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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