Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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