you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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