Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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