it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
