its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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