we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
