he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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