Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
