I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
