Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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