the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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