I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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